


basorexia

by czerni



Category: South Park
Genre: 3+1 Things, Aged up characters, Dysfunctional Family, Kissing, M/M, Pining, Vomiting, and i still don't know how to tag???, kenny: does anything stan: oH NO WHY THE FUCK IS HE HOT NOW?!, weird to put those two tags side by side but that is how it works with stan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 12:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18637906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/czerni/pseuds/czerni
Summary: Three times that Stan wonders how would it be to kiss Kenny McCormick.





	basorexia

**Author's Note:**

> [basorexia: the overwhelming desire to kiss.]

The first time the thought crosses Stan’s mind, the four of them are in his house in the middle of a movie marathon, sitting on the couch in the most comfortable way they can considering how many people they are —and that Cartman still easily counts as two people in one, even if he insists to deny it—. At some point, almost out of nowhere, his attention turns from the television to Kenny, sitting at his right hand between him and Cartman. He quickly notices how the blond has taken down his parka hood, exposing his mouth curved on an expression of amusement due to the film of turn. Kenny laughs openly and Stan realizes, as if this is the first time he has seen him with true attention, how his face seems to light up when he smiles and how his eyes are so blue that they could rival the sky. Then he thinks that he had never noticed before how nice looking he find his smile and—

He wonders, suddenly, how it would feel to press his lips against his; how it would be to kiss Kenny McCormick.

The thought appears so abruptly that it disconcerts him; it surprises him, because it is weird, too weird. Kenny is his friend, he has been his friend since he can remember, so why would he be thinking now about how it would be to kiss him?

He feels a blush spreading over his cheeks, he turns his attention back to the television the best he can, although he can’t help but look at the blond from time to time, at his ethereal features and his dry lips that, he thinks, have to be so warm, always hidden under his parka.

He swallows hard.

_Oh, shit._

**[ &]**

The second time that he thinks about it they are playing basketball on a hot day of summer. They have decided to play in duos as always; this time Cartman and Kyle against Kenny and him. Both teams are tied, even with the constants disagreements between Kyle and Cartman; principally because it has become impossible to Stan to concentrate in the game and not in the way Kenny’s sweaty t-shirt sticks to his body and— oh, great, now he wants to vomit.

He holds it on the best he can until the game ends after a point marked for Kyle, then he runs to the closest trash-can and he bends down into it to vomit. He sits down on the ground once he finishes, cleaning his mouth with the back of his hand and breathing heavily. He looks up after he hears someone clearing their throat, finding that Kenny has followed him, and is now staring at him with an expression between concern and disgust, even though it’s not like this is the first time that he sees him in such conditions of course.

“Is something wrong Stan? I think you have vomited more than the last time a saw you drink on Bebe’s party,” he asks him and Stan almost could have laughed at his comment if he didn’t fear that the nausea could return if he did it.

“N-no, I’m fine Kenny, it’s just that… eh,” he licks his lips, trying to find a good excuse, “Shelly has been trying to copy some of those ridiculous recipes from internet and she forces me to try them for her. It is nothing, really, I am sure I’ll be better soon. Thanks you,” he clears his throat, trying his best to not blush, “for asking, anyways.”

Kenny shrugs his shoulders, giving him a small smile. Stan’s heart stops beating for less than a second when he sees him.

“It’s good to hear that,” he answers honestly. “Not about Shelly, of course, my condolences to your stomach,” this time Stan allows himself to laugh lightly.

“Thanks,” he repeats, standing up. “Though it is a shame that we lost, I bet the Fat Ass will talk about this for the rest of the week, even if more than half of their point were made for Kyle.”

Is Kenny who laughs now, and Stan feels something warm in the pit of his stomach, a feeling that for this time doesn’t come with a urge to regurgitate whatever was left in his body —which is good, because that would be too suspicious—. They go to reunite with their friends where, just as Stan has said before, it doesn’t take too much to Cartman to start to show off his victory to the annoyance of them and Kyle. Stan, surprisingly, doesn’t really pay him too much attention; recalling again and again the moment happened less than two minutes ago, playing the summer laughs of Kenny on his memories as well as the way he looked so concern for his state and, then, he realizes—

Oh, he _really_ wants to kiss him.

However, he doesn’t do it. He doesn’t let himself get carried away for that (on his own words) outburst. And not just because he is conscious of the presence of his two other friends or because his mouth has to smell really bad after have vomited; but also because the true is that the idea terrifies him as well as it excites him, he fears the consequences that it could bring to their friendship, the reaction that Kenny could have. Because, okay, he knows that Kenny has always been really open about his sexuality and that kind of stuff, and that since they have started high school he has been with both girls and guys, but— but this is _different_.

He gets lose in his thoughts, without noticing that the others are about to leave until Kyle calls his name, raising an eyebrow. Stan reaches them, saying that he just had got distracted, that it doesn’t matter; because it _really_ doesn’t. It’s just a little crush, a brief attraction. Yes, he is sure that that’s all what it is.

(Even if he swears that he is able to feel Kenny’s eyes on him in the way to their respective homes and how that makes him feel his hands sweaty due to the nerves and how his heart it’s about to escape through his mouth, maybe a little bit _too_ literally speaking.)

**[ &]**

The third time he thinks about kissing Kenny is when they are on his house, just like in the first time. For petition of Kenny they have decided to meet and study some of the equations from their last chemistry class; because it seems like, once you grow up, all the teachers start to add formulas and mathematical operations to everything they can, they could almost start to miss Garrison’s classes (almost). Normally they both would have asked Kyle for help, but he was still mad for the last time he tried to tutor them and neither of them wanted to awake his Jersey Boy anger; so they decided that it would be just the two of them this time. Together. _Just the two of them_. Alone. In Stan’s house. In Stan’s _room_.

And of course he isn’t nervous for that, of course no. Nope. _Who do you take him for?_

The fact that he just had spent all the morning trying to make the place look as presentable as possible was a total coincidence.

Or the fact that he almost trips over his own feet when he goes to open the door as soon as the doorbell rings, announcing the arrival of his blond friend.

“Hey Kenny,” he greets him immediately, maybe a little too enthusiastic than he should be, considering that they are supposed to be spending the rest of the day drowning between chemical elements which names they can’t even pronounce.

Kenny smiles a bit when he sees him, he is carrying his old backpack on one shoulder (Stan is sure that he hasn’t change it since pre-school). It doesn’t take too long for Stan to realize that Kenny isn’t alone, behind him, poking out her head shyly, is a girl a couple of years younger who he ends up recognizing as Karen; Kenny’s little sister.

He blinks twice.

“Hi, Stan,” Kenny answers, gesturing to his sister so she would stop hiding, “I hope you don’t mind that I bring her here; Kevin had extra hours at his work and I didn’t wanted to let her alone in home. Mom and dad they… they are not at their best moment.” he explains and Stan notices the way the girl looks down at her feet. He can’t blame her, not when he has witnessed firsthand what Kenny is talking about when he says that their parents aren’t at their _best moment_.

“I don’t mind, don’t worry,” he assures, smiling slightly to the young girl, as if he wants to show that he is being honest. “Besides, I am pretty sure that my dog Sparky would enjoy having some company while we study. If you’d like that.” he proposes, getting an immediate reaction from Karen, who raises her face with her eyes shining and nods enthusiastically.

Stan’s smile widens a bit, he can’t help but think in how similar Karen’s eyes are to Kenny’s, who is looking at him with a grateful expression. He shrugs his shoulders and invites them to come inside. Once they are in his bedroom, he and Kenny settle around his desk with their open notebooks on it; while Karen plays with good old Sparky on the fluffy carpet of the room.

Before Stan could start to write the first exercises, he feels Kenny touching his arm with his pencil to get his attention.

“Hey,” Kenny mutters when he turns to see him. “I wanted to thank you for, well, not having problems with her staying here and all of that.”

Stan shrugs his shoulders again, even if he already can feel his cheeks getting red, just a little bit. The thing is that Kenny is looking at him in such a way— like if just for letting Karen stay with them he had given him the entire world or something (and it could easily be like that, after all he knows that Karen is one of the most important people for Kenny, that he cares very deeply about her wellbeing; and that’s something quite admirable and almost enviable for someone like him who has a terrible relationship with his own sister). The point is that it isn’t an expression that he has seen him do frequently, and the fact that he is directing it exclusively to him is, well…

“I am serious, it was nothing,” he releases a short and awkward laugh.

He keeps downplaying it, but that doesn’t stop Kenny from looking at him in that way. They stay in silence, in that same position, staring at each other— anyone who saw them now ( _Karen could be watching them now_ ) could even think that they were in a staring contest or something like that. Suddenly Stan starts to be a little bit too conscious about how close they have had to sit next to the other, their arms clashing for the little space they have and— oh, why had he decided to study in his room and not in the kitchen or in any other place? There he would have had some personal space at least.

Honestly it’s not just that what makes him anxious, but the realization of how easy would it be to lean into Kenny at that very moment and solve all his doubts once and for all, to discover if Kenny’s lips would feel as nice as he has thought, if he would kiss him back or push him aside, and he really wishes that, if it happened, Kenny would choose the former. That he wouldn’t reject him; that he wouldn’t get mad. That he wouldn’t break his heart.

(He is tired of living with a broken heart.)

He wants to kiss him, kiss him and tell him that maybe what he feels for him has already crossed the barrier of “just a brief attraction”. He wants to kiss him and to Kenny to kiss him back and— and.

He doesn’t do it. Because he doesn’t think that it would be appropriate to kiss Kenny for the first time having his little sister in the same room, or at least that what he tells himself.

(The truth is that he feels like a coward.)

They spend the rest of the day working on their homework, trying to help each other to understand it. And if Kenny leans into him a bit more than what he needs to or he brush his hand while he asks him a question; Stan blames his own imagination playing him a bad joke.

**[ &]**

So, here is the thing:

Stan likes Kenny. He doesn’t deny it anymore.

And he wants to kiss him too. He wants to kiss him so much it is almost ridiculous.

It becomes harder for him to hide his growing love, even more considering that he sees Kenny daily; in the school, in the park, in any of their houses, in the cinema— (and, well, you have an idea). It is a miracle that he has managed to avoid to puke on him or to steal a kiss from him; he can’t decide which one would be worse. He can’t even remember if he had felt so desperate when he was crushing on Wendy. It is exhausting.

He sighs while he rolls over his bed, hiding his head under his sheets. If he keeps thinking about it he’ll end up staying up all the night and showing on in next day’s classes with eye bags that could compete against the ones he had on his days of Goth. And, even though he is tired as hell, he just can’t sleep. He groans on frustration.

Suddenly he hears someone banging the window and he almost falls from his bed due to the surprise, the sound is followed by a laugh easy for him to identify. He stands up, walking to the window and opening the curtains, to find Kenny climbed to a tree, his orange parka over a worn shirt and an old pair of pajama pants, he has the parka hood on so Stan is only able to see his eyes and a bit of hair. Stan sighs again, too tired like to feel embarrassed right now. He opens the window and sticks his head out, feeling the wind against his face.

“Hey,” Kenny says casually, as if he isn’t in front of a second floor window at two in the morning.

“Hey,” Stan repeats. “What are you doing here?”

“I was just passing by.” he answers, looking away.

“Passing by? Dude, it is too late, you should be sleeping,” Stan says, before noticing how nervous Kenny was. “Kenny,” he mutters, licking his lips, “are you ok?”

He doesn’t answer immediately, Stan doesn’t rush him. Kenny ends up sighing, looking at him again instead of avoiding his eyes.

“I needed help,” he says simply, “can I come in?”

Stan stares at him before he finally reacts, stepping aside and opening his window a bit more, and, as if he had done it a lot of times before, Kenny enters to the room through the window.

“Thanks,” Kenny mumbles, lowering his hoodie after hesitating for a moment.

Stan flinches once he has a better look of Kenny’s face and of the ugly bruise on his eye.

“What happened to you?” he asks trying to keep his voice low. And he doesn’t take too long to start to feel like a fool, _because the answer to his question is quite obvious_.

“This? It’s nothing, really. Dad was acting like an idiot and we had an argument. He… he found out that I was saving money to help Karen buy her school supplies and he got furious,” he explains, like it really was nothing, like he is already used to it. “It doesn’t even hurt, honestly. I just didn’t want to have to spend the night there, do you mind if I stay here?”

“Of course you can stay,” he reassures him. “J-just let me go bring some ice, okay? Let’s see if we can reduce the inflammation of your eye.”

Kenny doesn’t protests and Stan goes down to the kitchen in the quietest way he can. A part of him can’t help but find a little bit weird the fact that Kenny had decided to go to his house, when Kyle was the one who lived closer to him and he wouldn’t mind either to let him spent the night due to the circumstances; and he can’t help but feel nervous at the idea of having Kenny in his bedroom at such time, especially considering that no less than some minutes before he had been lying awake on his bed, thinking about how much he wants to be able to kiss him (and that really sound way more corny than what he would like).

He goes back to his room with a small ice pack, finding with Kenny sitting on his bed, waiting for him, he had taken his parka off, leaving it across one side of the bed, not that Stan minds it. Instead of give him the ice pack he takes the liberty to sit beside him and press the thing softly against his black eye, startling him for the temperature change and his sudden action.

“I can do it myself, you know?” Kenny comments, but he doesn’t try to push him aside or take the ice pack from his hands; like if deep down he appreciated to see Stan act so concerned about him.

“I know,” Stan replies, and the ghost of a smile appears on Kenny’s features, a smile that leaves Stan breathless.

Because even in the middle of the darkness of the night, with a black eye and his hair messed up due to his hood; Kenny manages to shine. It’s like if his skin and his whole being were made of gold, a contradictory idea in the end, but Stan likes it. _He likes it a lot._

He hardly notices when he has move the ice pack away from Kenny’s face and, leaning his body towards him, he has ended up closing the distance between their mouths. It’s precipitated, it is a disaster. And more than a kiss it is like their lips suddenly clash against each other’s, especially when Stan reacts and abruptly moves away from him, getting ready to pronounce disjointed words to, supposedly, start to apologize to Kenny. Of course, he doesn’t expect him to grab him from the neck of his pajama to pull him closer to himself, bringing their lips together once again and— _oh_.

Kenny’s lips feel warm against his, but it is not a bad sensation. It contrasts in a curious way with how cold his hands are over his cheeks, cupping his face like to prevent him from moving away again. Kenny kiss him as if he has been holding back from do it too, and Stan wonders if it is like that, and if that’s the case then he feels stupid for not noticing it before. However, he decides to set those thoughts apart for once and put his total attention on Kenny’s body pressed against his, of his tongue tickling his lower lip, of his heart beating hard against his ears. He discovers that kissing Kenny is just like he has imagined all this time and, at the same time, it exceeds his expectative. They move rhythmically against each other’s mouth, trying to taste every part of it during those eternal seconds before they have to break the kiss to catch their breath.

They look at each other, and they are a mess of heavy breathing and sincere smiles. Stan is about to say something, when he feels his hands wet and he realizes that the ice that he had brought has begun to melt. He makes a face and Kenny giggles.

“Should I bring a new one?” he suggests, even though that is the last thing he wants to talk about right now.

“No, I think we should already go to sleep anyway,” Kenny replies and he barely manages to not laugh at Stan’s expression. “I _literally_ _mean_ sleep, Stanny. Not that I wouldn’t like whatever you have in mind, but I am so tired that I don’t think I could stay awake more than other two minutes.” he yawns like to prove his point, stretching his back like a cat, a gesture that looks really adorable to Stan.

Stan goes to throw the ice pack in the garbage, even if maybe that isn’t the best idea, it doesn’t matter right now. Meanwhile Kenny takes possession of half of the bed and of his pillow, not that he mind it when welcomes him with open arms, and he’s very quickly to start to kiss him again as soon as Stan lies down at his side. This time the kisses are soft and shorts and they doesn’t just kiss each other on the mouth but on their cheeks and their nose too, until both of them feel their lips numb and are so tired that they fall sleep right there, on each other’s arms.

And Stan swears that he hasn’t sleep so well for weeks.

**[ &]**

By morning Kenny is still by his side, and they are a mess of legs and arms entangled. Stan invites him to stay for breakfast, but Kenny excuses himself saying that he has to go back to his house to help Karen get ready for school. He says goodbye with a flirty smile, telling him that he would see him later at the bus stop, like every day. Stan watches him leave and he feels a lump on his throat. He even wonders if maybe he had just dreamed what happened last night; even though he knows that’s impossible.

However—

Some minutes later he finds himself at the bus stop, Kyle and Cartman arrive soon after him, but he barely notices their presences, too lost in the doubts and insecurities that have abruptly taken over his mind. He and Kenny had kissed, that _did_ happen. But, who can assure him that Kenny doesn’t regret it? Or that since the beginning those kisses hadn’t meant to Kenny what they had meant for him? Maybe he would even show up that morning opting for act as if nothing had happened. Maybe—

“Hey,” he hears Kenny’s voice so close that it gives him a shiver, Stan startles and turns to see Kenny standing by his side.

In the background he can hear Kyle saying hello to the blond and Cartman making a comment that he fails to understand; probably it’s something stupid since Kyle doesn’t take long to start scolding him for it. He doesn’t care.

Kenny doesn’t seem to care either, he just keeps watching him with a soft smile and a raised eyebrow (his eye doesn’t look as swelled as last night, he notices, but there is still a bruise around it, contrasting against his skin), Stan begins to feel embarrassed, considering what was he thinking —and is still thinking— about what happened between them. Kenny’s smile widens a bit, as if he has just read his mind or something like that, and then he closes any distance between their faces and he kiss him, slowly. Stan kisses him back, throwing away all the doubts, feeling ridiculous for have thinking about them in the first place, and he clings to Kenny’s parka as if his life depended on it. They can hear Kyle and Cartman gasp in surprise, as well as Cartman starting to exclaim about how they were going to fuck right in front of his poor eyes. Neither of those things discourages them, but rather the opposite.

They break the kiss at the moment the school bus arrives. Their friends get in the bus immediately, still slightly impressed for what they just saw; but they stay behind for a moment, sharing a last look, holding each other’s hand in a loose, but honest and significant grip. Stan smiles at him one last time and

(it is as if in the universe itself there is no one else besides the golden-soul boy and the boy with eyes of night

who loves him so so so much.)

they get on the bus as they do every day, just another part of the routine. But this time it feels different to him, the feeling of Kenny’s earthy fingers against his makes it all a lot better, that’s for sure.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!!  
> go follow me in my twitter: antemmakid, if you want!


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